dude i'm inner monologue high
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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