well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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