She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
