it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
