she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so let's talk penis.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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