This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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