You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
