can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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