I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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