I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
