Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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