bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
