I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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