thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
