I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
vagina is talking i cant
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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