I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
