I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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