Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
