I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
