Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
