a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
