Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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