Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
