Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
