If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
