I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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