i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
