Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
