i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They have beer where we have blood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
