Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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