I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
