I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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