I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
