PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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