he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
