I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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