My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
