We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
