New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
