i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
