You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
