So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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