you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
