Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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