im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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