Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
