On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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