I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
