Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
