I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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