apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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