Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
